For the past year we have been planning, replanning and organising a revamp to extend our little house; it has been both exciting and frustrating, as is usual for this kind of thing. It began with an epic plan, came down to a huge plan, then down again to a modest plan and still we are not in the council’s good books. It is a frustrating process to say the least and you get so focused on getting the plans approved, getting the mortgage approved, worrying about the kind of builder you will end up with, getting excited about what kitchen you can have or even if you will have enough money for a kitchen and dreaming about whether you can make a secret door that looks like a bookshelf, that when the money comes and it actually looks possible a dread fear comes across you…..what if it all goes wrong? what if every program I have seen showing building disasters becomes our life? What the hell have we done and who’s bloody silly idea was this anyway?
At the moment we have trashy music playing loudly on the radio in our back garden as two lovely Polish guys are putting in a new fence. The dog is watching for any opportunity to dive out the back door and investigate the carnage and lack of boundaries in the back garden, so we are having to rugby tackle him to the floor everytime the guys need to come through the house, which is quite often.
Oscar, Damh and I are looking forward to the work being done, none of us are good with our space being out of our control. Tommorow we have another builder coming to look at our plans and hopefully give us a quote, more importantly, there is also a skip coming, so this week will be about filling it with stuff that is no longer a useful part of our lives. There is a lot of stuff in the sheds that needs to go in order to make space and clear the decks, but there is also a lot of stuff in the loft that is from both our previous lives.
It will be an interesting journey, clearing the loft in readyness for a loft conversion, there are boxes and things that neither of us have looked at for sixteen years. I am ‘girding my emotional loins’ for that journey and making sure that I am prepared to be strong enough to let go of “stuff” in more ways than just the physical removal of material items. At the end of this house rebuilding journey we will have paired our lives down to just what is necessary for the both of us in our lives now and as we wish to continue on. I was not prepared for the emotions that all of this has brought to the surface but it is interesting that this year I have had my fifty fourth birthday and the year is 2016, both add up to nine on a simple numerological level, this being the number of gateways and transitions before a new cycle begins.
It is apparent to me that this year is a significant and maybe even a magical one for me personally. I am really feeling that what I do this year, more than any other year, will define me for a good while to come so I am making my decisions with more focused deliberation than I have ever done in my life to this point. So many magical things have been happening and many changes in the material world and I am an Aries woman so it is exciting. I am open to the possibilities and trying not to put boundaries on anything, but… I am also a confirmed introvert and incurable neurotic so I am having to employ a mantra each day, as Edina says in Absolutely Fabulous, “Sweety I am chanting as we speak, I embrace the change, I embrace the change”.
To all who are facing change, whatever kind of change that may be, keep chanting sweeties just keep chanting, it will all be absolutely fabulous in the end.
Dear Cerri,
I hope all your changes are positive ones. I also hope your daughter is ok.
Blessed be.
/I\